My name is Cesar. And before I came to the Reno-Sparks Gospel Mission, my life was unmanageable.

My life is a story of bad decisions, bad environments and being influenced by the wrong people most. Most of my life I have had problems with the law. I have been “on paper” since I was 15. I am tired of being in the system.

I was on the path to destruction, trying to fit in with the wrong people, feel accepted and loved. I put myself through insanity, thinking life was all right and hiding my feelings, when really I was sad, lonely and angry.

At times silence was the only thing that kept me alive. I would be quiet and listen to what my older friends said and the things they had been through. I would think of ways I could try to perfect their wrongs.

I always thought I had control of my drug, but I realized I was addicted when my mom and dad saw the things I put myself through, catching my first felony at 18 and going to jail. I felt like a failure in life. All the people who looked up to me, I let down.

In jail, I looked at my life. I was getting nowhere, feeling hopeless, feeling like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. These mixed emotions were eating me alive. I thought, “When will my life get better?”

Yet I ran from drug court. I could not handle being sober. I thought being high would take away this pain I had inside – only to find that when the high went away all the pain came back. In jail, people asked if I believed in God. I said yes, I do believe in God.

If I only knew what I know now, I would have stopped the insanity then. But then again, I would not be the person I am today. Looking at my past gives me hope now, because I do not have to prove myself to anyone but God, and because of that I am a better and stronger person.

I find myself doing things I never would, like reading the Bible and asking God to make me a better person. It takes a lot of patience working with God (and probably the other way around too), but it is worth it.

I had to tear myself down to build myself back up. This Mission is one of the best programs because we have to work with what we have rather than what we want. This is where I am at this point in life. At the Mission, I feel loved, accepted and at peace with myself.

And it feels good.

I want to thank all of you who support the Gospel Mission. You helped me. And your support allows me to help others with the same struggle by showing them how God works in my life and how God can change the bad into good.

This just goes to show that anyone can change, by bringing God into their life.